Geez Louise...

I'd forgotten I had this blog here. Oops!

I thought it was abandonned enough that I would never need to come back to it. So if I ignored it for long enough, it would just go away. How silly.

I sort of want to delete the previous posts altogether but they represent me at that time and serve as a reminder. I don't really think they're for anyone else to read. Not anymore, anyway. I don't think I'm writing now for anyone else to read. It's just a bit of 'me' time.

So much changes in a year, doesn't it? I feel like I've become quite a different person in that time. I've gone from a social, highly interactive person who needs to have other people around me, to a hermit who barely needs contact with the outside world. Not to say that I'm not sociable, lively or engaging when I am with others. And I do plenty of interracting online. I've cut out 'chatting' online so much with some old friends though. The difference is, I don't feel the need to be with people, I don't have that pull anymore. I'm quite happy in myself and on my own. I've just had two weeks off work (holidays) and only went out once (socially) in that time. I've seen family once or twice too. And I did a grocery shop once. But that's it. I didn't walk out the door for any other reason.

It's quite a change for me. No internet dating sites, no large social gatherings with new or old friends. I just meet up with small groups of friends for dinner, maybe a movie or a show about once a month.

I guess this didn't all happen by accident. My lower back went from some mild pain a year and a half ago, to excrutiating pain about 12 months ago. I didn't see it coming. This started to limit my ability to go out. I'd only go if I knew I could get a parking spot reasonably nearby and if I knew I wouldn't have to stand or walk for more than 3-5 minutes. Added to this, my last romance ended in early Feb 2010 and I just couldn't muster the energy to go through that again. I thought I was just taking some time off from dating but here I am, 14 months later, still disinterested in the concept.

For a totally random change of heart, my belief in God has totally done a 180. I'd been a strong believer for many, many years and had even worked in ministry for a few years. Now I simply don't share those beliefs. So I don't go to church and I don't see church people much anymore. I'm still in contact with some but if I decide to go to church (eg at Christmas) it's only for their sake, not mine. Having felt totally abandonned by God after years of 'faithfulness', I started to see the world through different coloured glasses. Science and logic totally won me over. I'm quite happy in my attitude, though I know it pains many of my friends. That's the only part I'm really disappointed about.

So having all this time to myself (apart from ridiculous hours spent working) I set some goals for myself this year. I decided to do a bit on an 'audit' on myself. Fitness had become a completely dirty word, unable to walk for any decent length of time. I couldn't even wash up dishes in one go. I tried various remedies and had some tests. Finally I found a physiotherapist who teaches pilates. I now go once a week and, after 4 months, am finally started to see some results. This has meant I can do some things around my home that had become impossible (like putting clothes away or cleaning). I'm hoping I can start walking around the block in the next few months- or even 10 minutes at a time would be good.

I started a post-graduate degree in psychology. Twenty-two years after graduating from university, I am back to studying- online, of course. It's going okay but certainly not taking the mere 10 hours a week stated in the recommendations. It's much closer to 20-25 hours per week and I'm not doing all the parts listed! I tend to take my books/laptop to a local club and work for 6-8 hours at a time. I need to do some of it at home, but I work better out of the home. Besides, I can get drinks, food and table service when I'm out. And I'm very good at blocking out other noise and distractions when I'm out. At home, it's way too easy to get side-tracked with reading blogs, etc.

Anyways, that's where I'm at currently. It might be good to come back and reflect on this again... in a few months!

L is for lethargic...

I can't believe it's been so very long since I last posted.

Of course, that was never my intention.

You know how it gets... you start something and then forget what is was- where it was- what it was for.

My- how much things change in a year and a bit. At the last time of posting, L was definitely about Life. As the first post said- it was about God-given life. Yet, a year on, I find myself with a lot less 'god' in my life. I can't see the purpose anymore. I know this is worrying to some of my dear friends, but there it is. I can't hide it. I can't pretend (for the sake of continuity of this blog) for it to be otherwise. There's no point in doing so. Maybe I'll flip-flop from this, maybe not.

But L is still very much about Living. It seems like I've done a lot of living this year. But oftimes, work consumes me. I'm currently involved in marking music performance and practical exams for our HSC (final school exams). I've been working 12 hour days for most of the term plus several hours on weekends to be able to get away from school for these two weeks. I have one more week of marking to go, then a week back at school, before finally a 2-week holiday. Yay yay yay!

Unfortunately, I seem to spend so much time getting to the holiday period, but no time preparing for it. So for now, I have no plans for the coming break. And no plans = no progress for me. (I know myself too well!)

So here is my first goal: in the next fortnight, come up with a do-able plan for the coming holidays. Include some time for friends, family and time-out for me, but plan to actually get some things done.

I'm going to include things that might stop me from achieving my goals, and attempt to work out some ways to thwart these. I just happen to be absolutely, fantastic at procrastinating, so I really need to find a way to get past this fault. I need to plan more for my life, rather than just waiting for it to go by.

I'll be away with marking for the next week but when I return I hope to post some plans.

L is for living

Ecclesiastes 8:15So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.
That's simply all there is to my life! You have just the one life, so get out and LIVE it.
But... be aware: that life is given by God. That life is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things.

There is more to life under God... and so, there is more to come from me!